Plans

"I want you to show love, not offer sacrifices. I want you to know Me more than I want burnt offerings." - Hosea 6:6

I have been back in the States for a number of weeks now. I have been meaning that entire time to write a final blog filled with summaries and closure and lessons learned, and I am finally getting around to doing so.

Most of you know that one of my main prayers going back to Africa was for clarity. I had literally been thinking that I would spend three months in Swazi, come home, finish my last semester of college, and move to Africa in January. I expected to go there and have God say "Faith, this is Africa, this is My plan for your life," but instead what He whispered into my heart steadily for three months caught me off guard and humbled me: "Faith, here I am. I am My plan for your life."

I am not surrendering to a plan or to Africa; I am surrendering to the person of Jesus Christ. What the details of that surrender look like for my life is irrelevant if I am really focused on being surrendered to Him. He will let me know those things in His time. In a way that is not clarity, but this is the clearest confusion has ever been for me.

I have no idea what I am doing in January, but He does.

I have not the faintest clue what I will be doing in a year, and that's how it's supposed to be right now.

I know nothing, but He knows everything, and if I know Him, that is all that should matter.

Since I was a (nerdy) fourteen year old, one of my favorite poets has been Sara Teasdale. I always reveled in the simplicity of her poems. A few years ago I was re-reading some of her work, and I found this poem, written for her husband:

I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love - put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind.

That poem has become my heart's most earnest plea. I still have so far to go to be fully His. The more I surrender, the more I realize I still have left to surrender. I want my life to be so "lost" in the glory of His Kingdom, plunged so deep in His love, that I sincerely am not concerned with what specifically that tapering away of self looks like for my life.

I saw lions yesterday. They are what pretty much every American that comes to Africa really wants to see, and I was no exception. However, my joy at seeing them was deeper than a tourist's satisfaction and bigger than the wonder of seeing the "King of Beasts" in the wild. Let me explain:

I am not sure I really let on how terrified I was to leave home and come alone to a country I had never even been to before. I'd have people tell me I was very brave, and I would think "You wouldn't say that if you only knew how not brave I feel..."

The day before I flew out, my family went to see the most recent Chronicles of Narnia movie, "Prince Caspian." While I agree with many people that the movie was not as good as it could have been (a Susan/Caspian romance? Really now?), I strangely identified with the character of Lucy and her encounters with Aslan. I can't even explain how I felt sitting in that theater with my family, knowing what I had to do the next day, and watching Lucy reply to Aslan requesting her to do something she didn't understand that seemed too big for her "I wish I was more brave."

I said that to God so many times, and Aslan's reply, "If you were any more brave, you'd be a lioness." constantly reminded me that bravery pertains to action, not feeling.

On Saturday night, the team living next door had their last movie night and let me join them, as usual. We watched the original "Chronicles of Narnia." It was such an interesting experiece for me watching that near the end of my time in Africa. I was reminded of how true much of the analogy of God as an untamed lion is. Following Him is not safe, but He is good.

I had to go to South Africa this week, so as not to have to pay a large sum of money to the Swazi government for overstaying my 30 days allowed upon entry into Swaziland. Julie, one of the AIM missionaries here, was so kind and allowed me to come along with her and her precious daughter Ellie, to Nelspruit on Tuesday and Wednesday. The team I am close to was spending their last few days in Africa in Nelspruit, and it worked out perfectly for me to tag along with them to Kruger National Park. I had always wanted to go to Kruger, and it was incredible to get to go with the team that had loved on me and adopted me into their team the last two months. Within the first few hours we saw tons of buffalo, rhinos, zebras, giraffes (my favorite!), crocodiles, monkeys, and many kinds of antelope, but... I really wanted to see a lion. One of the girls in my safari vehicle said she was praying we'd see one in plain sight, without the obstruction of trees and bushes. Our driver Lynne (Lynne= amazing. I could listen to her tell stories for hours of how relational elephants are and how trees protect themselves from giraffes overgrazing) heard over her walkie that 2 lions had been spotted, so we sped off from a sighting of about 30 hippos. We were so excited, but were met with bitter disappointment when lions were nowhere to be seen.

Our disappointment grew when a group from the team briefly saw the lions before they disappeared again. There are around 2,000 lions in Kruger, but Kruger is seriously massive. The park is bigger than all of Israel; several Swazilands could fit into it. Everyone I had talked to that had been to Kruger said they had not seen lions.

I began praying "Lord, I know this is probably a very selfish and stupid prayer, but I would really love it if You would allow me to see a lion."

A few minutes later, I saw 2. One of them even walked across the road in front of us.

This is not exactly a safe place. Swaziland is incredible, and there are certainly more dangerous places I could have been sent, but last week alone a missionary family here in Swazi was robbed while they slept in their home in a "safe" area of the country and the World Race team that stayed at the house and I became friends with was robbed at gunpoint in Joburg. Emotionally and spiritually, it has been very unsafe as well. My heart is heavy with goodbyes and endings and the general suffering I've seen here. Also, one of my closest friends' Mom died a few days ago, and my heart is wanting so badly to get home to her while dreading final goodbyes to the people here.

The Lord has been teaching me so much though. Today, I feel He is teaching me that despite all circumstances, joy is a choice. Devendra Banhart put it best, I think: "We've know, we've known, we've had a choice; we chose rejoice."

Today, despite my breaking heart and the fact that there is a lot I don't understand right now, I choose to rejoice and find my rest, my comfort, my purpose, and my all in Who He is.

Because, after all, He is not safe, but He is good.

a "typical" week

I realize I haven't given you all a very clear picture of what life here is like, so I will try to quickly give you an idea of a "typical" week here.

Sunday: Church usually lasts about 3 hours. I have recently been going to a church in a rural area called Timbutini, and I love it. It is simply beautiful. The people have very little and they are all so sincere. People are given a chance to share what God is teaching them, and they are allowed to randomly burst into song when they feel led. I sit on the concrete floor against the wall in the one-room building. I usually have a Swazi child in my lap and a GoGo(grandmother)by my side. Sunday afternoons are usually relaxed, and I do laundry or journal.

Monday: Mondays are off days. The first few here I rested in the morning and went to a carepoint in the afternoon, but I have been going to ministry sites with the team that has been staying at the team house on those days recently. I go to hospitals, homes for the severely ill, care points, or just walk around town making friends. I only have one Monday left, and I hope to go back to many of those places to tell people goodbye. The team has left now, but I would feel comfortable going alone now. Monday nights I have been "leading" a discipleship group of 8 girls from the team. Since they are gone now, that is over.

Tuesday: Tuesdays afternoons are office days for Cherish, but I really don't need to do office work, so I have been going with the team and doing ministry like on Mondays.

Wednesday: Wednesday morning are spent in the office. We have a prayer/devotion time together. Wednesday afternoons the Cherish team divides up and goes to two seperate schools. Phumlile and Hlonphile go to John Wesley High in Mbabane, and Zabiba and I (and the last few weeks a girl or two from the team have been joining us) go to Ngwane Central High in Nhlangano. This school is filled with very shy girls. There are about 40 girls here. The drive is around 1 1/2 hours. Also on Wednesdays we stop by the house of a precious woman named Make Zwane and drop off boxes of food for her to take to a village of starving people. We generally get home around 5:30 or 6, and Wednesday nights were the other discipleship group time.

Thursday: Office/prayer/devotion time in the morning and then Mlumati High on the SA border. It is around an hour or more away, and there are probably around 50-60 girls there on average. I get home around 6.

Friday: Office/prayer/devotion time in the morning, and then we go to Siteki Nazarene High near the Mozambique border. We don't leave until 2, and we don't get home until around 7. This school is my favorite. There are around 80 girls doing Cherish there. Friday nights vary a lot. I stay home, or go to friend's houses, or have people over.

Saturday: Recently I have been spending Saturdays with the team doing fun stuff in different places around Swazi, like Mantenga Falls. This upcoming Saturday will be my last in Swazi, and I am planning to go back to Dolly's school on the rock.

I hope this gives you a clearer picture of what I am doing here in Swaziland. It is hard to believe I will be home in 2 weeks.

Oh, and while I am blogging... yesterday I went alone to a game reserve to just enjoy God's creation. It was amazing! Here is me with 5 sleeping hippos:

Mlondi

Last week I met a little boy named Mlondi. He, however, has not met me. I am very sure he is dying, and since it's been a few days now since I've been able to visit him, he may already be so. His parents both already are. Mlondi was in so much pain he was unaware of his surroundings. His eyes are swollen shut and look as if they will never open again. His face is coming off. His tiny, 9 year old body is covered with terrible sores. The sores on his face have come off, leaving his face looking as if his skin melted off. Most of his face is missing. While I was there the first time, he laborously lifted his finger and tried to scratch what he probably didn't know was really just a giant hole that used to be the left side of his face, causing more of his skin to come off and hang from the tip of his tiny finger. Due to the fact his parents are dead and he is covered in sores, I am almost certain he is HIV positive, and this is an AIDS related case. His father had multiple wives and 15 kids total, so he left 15 kids fatherless, and his wives and kids have a very high chance of being HIV positive. Mlondi's Gogo (grandmother) Elina has been sitting by his bedside for a month now. Mlondi is the oldest of the 15 kids, so Elina probably has numerous other bedsides to sit beside after Mlondi is gone. One of Mlondi's brothers is already beginning to get sick. Elina is tired and sad and lonely. I have tried to spend time just sitting with her, but the visiting hours in the hospital are limited, and I have Cherish obligations. When I am there, it is hard. The first time, I had a translator with me. When I go alone, I do not. She doesn't speak English, which means all she can understand from me is basically a greeting, a thank you, and an I love you. Last time I went to see her, all I could really do was point to myself, make praying hands, and then point to her and her grandson.

What is the correct response to this? I have absolutely no idea.

"Oh, what am I to think
of what the writing of a thousand lifetimes
could not explain
if all the forest trees were pens
and all the oceans - ink?"
-mewithoutYou

Give Me An Undivided Heart...

Things here have been going very well lately. Although there have been a lot of frustrations with schools canceling school for sports competitions, God has worked through it all. Last week we had 40 girls accept Christ through the Cherish study!


It is hard to believe my time in Swaziland is over halfway over. On one hand, I can't wait to hug my family, get coffee/tea/soup/Moe's (and Olive Garden, Lorien!) with all of wonderful friends back home, and sleep in my own bed with my cat snuggled up in my arms. There is no denying that it is not easy being this far away from the people I love so much. On the other hand, I love life here so incredibly much. I love spending my days with orphans and vulnerable children. I love going to the schools and being with the high school girls. I love going to the hospitals and spending time with the kids in the kids ward and praying with and listening to mothers of sick/dying children. Getting to pour a little love and acceptance into the lives of the poor and the hurting and the sick is heartbreaking and emotionally tolling, but something about it is so incredibly fulfilling. While there are definite "Where is God in this?" moments, Jesus can be seen so clearly in the eyes of the "least of these." I love living here. I love how I see people I know when I am driving and grocery shopping. I love the girls on my team and the bond we have. I love the amusing intercultural moments that permeate life here. I love living in Africa. I don't even want to think about how badly my heart will be hurting when it is time for me to leave. Being back in Africa has felt like a sort of homecoming. I missed it so much these last 2 years. Now that I feel so at home here, how badly will it hurt to go home and readjust to life in surburban America? I know Africa is not a done chapter in my life. I just don't know what that means for my life. Am I supposed to move here? Should I go ahead and get my Master's? Should I look for a job with a non-profit that does work in Africa? What does the fact that my heart is in Africa mean for the rest of my life?

Right now, I have more questions than answers, but I know I serve a God who has the answers. I know that He hasn't called me to know the next steps, but to trust Him step by step. That has to be enough for me now. Today though, I am in Africa, and I want to be all here while I am here.

I am not Mowgli

Here is a blog from June 12; this is the first chance I've had to upload it. I don't have much time now even, but please be in prayer for my team. This has been a very rough week. I don't have time to go into a lot of details, but 2 girls on our team have been robbed in 2 seperate incidents. Our spirits have all been very discouraged this week.

6/12
Today was filled with very humurous cultural moments. We drove to the schools as usual. Everything went incredibly well at today's school, Mlumati High. It was so amazing to see teenage girls teaching their peers about how very much God loves and treasures them and about how much value each one of them has as individuals. These were the main points of today's lesson on identity. On Thursdays we go back a different way than we came, since Zabiba needs to go home to Mbabane. We drive through Pigg's Peak, which is a very beautiful drive. Today they had me take a little detour, so I could see the dam. This dam is apparently the pride of the Swazis. They were so proud of the dam. They asked if the US had dams, and when I answered in the affirmative, they wanted to know how superior the Swazi dam was to all other dams I had ever seen. I assured them it was the most beautiful dam I had ever beheld, which it was. Although, I must admit, I was much more enamored with the mountains and the river and the sunset and the little waterfall (and the "Beware of Hippos" sign!) than the dam itself. It was a quality dam though.

A little while later, my ipod shuffle turned to The Beatles. I asked if they had ever heard of The Beatles. They hadn't! I had to remedy that at once, so I carefully selected my favorite Beatles songs to introduce them to each other. After about 5 songs, I asked, "Girls, do you like The Beatles so far?" They all replied ,"No." Zabiba clarified for me: "Faith, they are very white. Look at us." Oh, well, I tried...

By far though, my favorite cultural moment of the day happened as I almost turned too soon to get on the highway to Mbabane. the girls kept saying "Faith, where are we going?" and "Tell us the story." and "Faith, would you like us to be your bridesmaids?" I was so confused, and they kept saying the same questions over and over. Finally, Hlonphile asked a question that made me begin to realize what they were talking about. She said "Faith, why were you taking us to the man village?" I was astounded. A MAN VILLAGE?! Yes, folks back home, there is a MAN VILLAGE. I didn't know that phrase existed outside of "The Jungle Book." I am still not really that clear on what exactly a man village is, although it sounds eerily similar to a monastary...

"How? Hhawu!"or "Who could imagine a holiday at the sea?"

me when my feet first touched the Indian Ocean
















Monkeys at the beach! Wildlife that isn't a cow, chicken, or goat!























I am in Durban, South Africa on holiday now. This is a literal "holiday at the sea," and it is absolutely incredible. I just found out about this trip about a week ago, and I still can't believe I'm actually here. Becca and I tagged along with an aid worker friend from Loganville, Georgia named Sandra who works with Children's Cup and a Swazi girl who also works with Children's Cup named Nomthandazo (Nomty). We drove down Saturday. I had never been to the KwaZulu Natal province of South Africa before. I have enjoyed my time here immensely so far. I was in a very impulsive mood Saturday. I ended up swimming in the Indian Ocean in my clothes. Then, later that night, I slept under the stars on the veranda at the beach house at which we're staying. I can't even begin to explain how beautiful the stars were and how amazing it felt to fall asleep under them (I ended up only getting to sleep out there a few hours though due to storm winds and intense cold). I am not sure I have ever felt more sure that I was exactly where God wanted me to be. The New Living Translation of Psalm 139: 9-10 says "If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me and your strength will support me." The Indian Ocean is definitely one of the farthest oceans from Atlanta, and the truth of those words has been resonating within me very loudly the last few days.

This past week was the first week of the studies. It went very well. This week was really just the itroduction week. My favorite part of the introduction to Cherish is the footwashing. The Cherish leaders set an example of service to the girls they lead by washing their feet. It is beautiful and getting to help them wash the girls' feet was such an incredible experience. I dried the feet of all of the girls in the group I work with at the school we go to on Fridays, and then the Swazi leader turned to me and said "I think I have to wash even yours," so she washed my feet and then I washed hers.

I found out last week that Dudu is actually a little girl. She showed up in girls clothes, and I was very confused, because I'd thought Dudu was a little boy. She was wearing boyish clothes when I first met her, and then Swazie had called her "he." Becca told me that SiSwati doesn't have he/she pronouns, so there is a lot of confusion in Enlgish with he/she pronouns. I am not going to take pictures at the care points for a little. I want to be able to really get to know the kids before taking pictures of them, and kids swarm when there is a camera around.

I had a very amusing cultural realization this week. I had noticed that when I was talking to Swazis, they often responded by saying "How?" It never seemed to make much sense to ask that question in the context of what had been said, but it seemed rude not to answer. I always fumbled for an answer while the Swazi looked at me with a kind of bemused "Why is she still talking?" kind of look. Sometimes they would say "How" in response to my answer. It was like the way some of my kids at work ask "Why?" and it didn't really make much sense. I finally asked Becca, and it turns out that what I thought was "How?" is actually the SiSwati response expression of awe or surprise "Hhawu!"

Sawubona!

Hello everyone!

I'm sure people have been wondering why I haven't written about the Cherish studies yet. Well, that's because 1. they don't start until next week and 2. my role in them is a little bit different than I had thought it would be. I had thought I would be working with Becca and 3 Swazi girls (Phumlile, Hlonphile, and Zabiba) to lead 3-4 groups of 8-10 girls. That is a maximum of 40 girls. Instead though, we are having Swazi girls who have been through the study and are in form 4 or 5 (the two top grade levels here) lead groups of the younger girls at the school. This means that instead of up to 40, we are going to have at least 180 girls going through the Cherish study! I am so excited about this! Becca is pulling back from the studies to focus on other projects, so it is my job to drive everyone all over Swaziland to get to the 4 schools we are doing Cherish in (one in each region of the country). Also, Hlonphile, Phumlile, and I each have one of the four schools of which we are in charge. Mine is Ngwane Central High School. We will be at all of the schools overseeing the groups the Swazi girls from those schools are leading. We did preliminary visits this past week where we met with all of the girls and gave the leaders transport money to get to our house in Manzini for training today. The training went very well, and we are all very excited about what God is doing in the lives of His daughters here in Swaziland!

You can see all of my pictures here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2121896&l=35852&id=23210853

care point

05/26/08
I went to a care point for the first time today. Care points are places where orphans and vulnerable children can come and get food and have a safe place to play for a few hours in the afternoons. I spent two hours at a care point today while Becca was in a class. At first there were only a few kids there, but as time went on, more and more kids came. When I first arrived, there was this one little boy that was just standing there that really caught my attention. He was about 2 and was so adorable. I asked what his name was, and my friend Swazie told me his name is Dudu. I talked to him for a minute and then reached my arms out to see if he wanted to be picked up. His face lit up, and he threw his arms up to me. He stayed in my arms or on my lap the entire time I was there. I would hold him and spin around or toss him into the air, and he would just giggle. I'm convinced his laugh is the world's most beautiful sound. When I sat down with him after he'd warmed up to me, he really showed how playful he is. He would get down off of my lap, and walk away while saying "Bye-bye! Bye-bye!" Then he would walk a bit, turn around, run towards me laughing, and jump into my arms. How can I even begin to explain how precious he is? After I'd been there about an hour, the kids all sat down together and Swazie led the kids in singing songs. They sang a Swazi song I'd never heard before, Kumbaya (I'm unsure of the spelling here, but I'm sure everyone knows what song I mean. Something about hearing orphans and other vulnerable children sing the "Someone's dying, Lord" verse is very poignant to me; it was nothing like hearing it around a campfire!), a Swazi version of a song we sang a lot in Zambia (Journey interns, there is a Swazi version of "Takwaba!" It made me miss you all!), and then a prayer of thanks song. Swazie commanded everyone to close their eyes and she swatted with a stick those that didn't listen! Dudu (who did not have to be swatted) closed his innocent eyes, bowed his small head, and folded his little hands in prayer as he whispered tiny, precious prayers to our big, loving God. There are not even words to describe what seeing him pray was like. I cannot wait to see him again next week!
By the way, Umuhle (ooo-moo-h-lay) is how you say "You are beautiful" in SiSwati.
Also, my SiSwati name is Buhle (Boo-h-lay). Zabiba gave it to me. It means beauty/beautiful. She asked what I first noticed when I came to Swaziland, and I said "The beauty," so she said Buhle, which is a name in Zabiba's family, should be my SiSwati name. I am not sure a Swazi name is really necessary though, since Faith is already a familiar name here. When a man asked my name and where I'm from the other day, he said "How come you have a Swazi name if you are from America?" I thought that was funny.

School

5/24/08
Today is a day I will never forget. I know people say that a lot, but I really mean this: I will never forget today. My friend Phumlile (pronounced poom-lee-lay) and I took kombis (the public transportation here, they are like little vans that hold about 15 people) into Mbabane, where we met up with a woman named Dolly. Dolly is an incredible Swazi woman of God. She has such a wonderful attitude and personality and is amazingly selfless and humble. Dolly lives in a poor village in the mountains outside of Mbabane. Dolly , Phumlile, and I took another kombi to get near her village and then we walked a ways. She took us to her home, which she said calls "The special," because everyone she brings inside the house is always special. Her house was one small room and it was packed tight with all of her personal belongings. Her bed was in the center and her tattered Bible lay open in the middle of the bed.
Dolly works cleaning houses and has little education, but Dolly is the village teacher. Dolly recently began noticing that the children in her village were not going to school, since they couldn't afford it. She said "I don't know much, but I know how to read and write and I know the alphabet," and so Dolly started a free school in her village. They meet on Tuesdays and Wednesdays for normal lessons, and they recently have begun meeting on Saturdays as well for Bible lessons. The three of us walked about half a mile down and around the side of the mountain to get to the edge of the village where their school is located. Their school is a large, flat rock underneath the shade of a tree. While we walked there, we rang a bell to tell all the children it was time for their lesson. The view as we walked was absolutely breathtaking. When we got to the rock, Dolly's helper had started the meeting already, and she had the kids singing and dancing. The day's lesson was on Moses, and it was entirely in SiSwati. There were about 30 kids on the rock listening to the lesson. They were all so precious.
After the lesson was over, I used the few SiSwati phrases I know to converse with the kids. These kids were very shy, and one little boy screamed and ran away from me when I tried to talk to him. Dolly's helper told me that "people like me" didn't come there very often, so he was frightened of me. I felt bad that my skin scared him so, and I really hoped the other children weren't frightened. This one little girl probably about 3 years old latched on to me. She walked all the way back up and around the mountain with me. Well, actually I carried her up the mountain in my arms almost the entire way. She was so tiny and so adorable and she laid her head on my shoulder in the most precious way, so I didn't have the heart to put her down. Her name is Thubelihle (Tu-ba-lee-hlay). She was so funny. She did walk beside me a few times and she would do a funny shuffle walk sometimes, so I would copy her. She would just giggle.
I am going back in 2 weeks, since we are doing Cherish leadership training next Saturday. I cannot wait to go back. It was such an incredible experiece relationally, spiritually, and culturally. It was so beautiful to see how God is working in amazing ways in a tiny, poor, mountain village through the kindness of one women with a servant's heart.
In other news, my cell phone was stolen today when we got back to Manzini. Luckily, I had my amazingly cunning friend Phumlile with me. She snatched it back from the thief before I had even realized he had reached into my purse to get it. I just saw her holding my phone and him standing by me going "I was just going to check it for you." Phumlile's my hero!

I am here!

I am here! Swaziland is incredible. The journey here was rough, but God showed His providence constantly. Telling my family goodbye was much more difficult than I had anticipated it would be. I have left for long periods of time several times before, but this time was the hardest leaving has ever been. I think the fact that I was going alone made it so difficult. When I got on the plane, I felt incredibly, incredibly alone. I sat there with tears streaming down my face while reading letters my parents had written me for me to read when I got on the plane. I began talking to the girl seatedby me and she said her final destination was Joburg, and I told her mine was too. She said her parents are missionaries in Joburg with the IMB (International Mission Board) and that she grew up all over Southern Africa. I told her my name is Faith and she said "Well, that's perfect. My name is Joy." The flight was about 8 hours long, and I did not sleep at all.
Joy and I stayed together during our layover in Amsterdam. We got breakfast and browsed the airport shops. By the way,the Dollar to Euro exchange rate is ridiculous right now. It cost $11.80 for two small fruit juices! Our layover was a little over 3 hours long.
The flight to Joburg was very long, and I think I slept about two hours out of the 10 on the plane. When I got to Joburg, I was severely tired and after I got my baggage, I realized I could not enter back into the secure parts of the airport until I could check in for my flight to Swazi. It was 9:30, and my flight was not until 6:60AM. I couldn't check in until 2 hours before my flight. I was terrified. Tears were streaming down my face from a combination of exhaustion and fear. Joy introduced me to her parents who were there to pick me up. They were very concerned for my safety (Joburg has the worst crime rate of any city in the world). Her dad walked me across the street to the Intercontinental Hotel, a luxury hotel. He gave me some rand to buy something warm and caffeinated to keep me awake. He was so kind, and I do not know what I would have done had it not been for him.
That began my night in the hotel lobby. It was a little after 10PM when I got to the hotel lobby. I purchased some tea and texted my dad. He called me, and I told him what was happening. He told me to get a room there and get some sleep, but I then found out the cheapest room available was $450. At midnight, a guy came and told me I had to leave. I explained the situation to him, and he took me to his manager. They really weren't supposed to let me stay, but she said it would be alright. I think she saw how alone and terrified I was. I stayed there until 4:15Am. I journaled, read my Bible, studied Cherish, and talked with the people who worked there. There was a maid cleaning around me, and I asked her if she needed me to move or if there was something with which I could help her. She laughed and said no. She began coming by and talking to me every chance she got. Her name is Christinah, and she had a home name as well. About 3:30AM, she told me she wanted to make something for me. She came back a while later with this wonderful hot chocolate-like beverage. It was beautiful and tasty, and it warmed me inside in more ways than one. She gave me her phone number and wants to come to Passion Joburg with me on August. She was a Godsend and a blessing. It was my second night without sleep. I left the hotel at 4:15.
The plane to Swazi was very small. There was an AIM family on the flight with me, and it was encouraging to meet them. When we got into Swazi, the scenery completely changed. All of a sudden, there were beautiful mountains everywhere and lush, green plants. It was incredible.
We went to the house that will be my home for the next three months. It turns out I am living in Manzini, not Ezulwini, because Becca recenty moved to the AIM team house apartment. I have a small room in the back of the apartment. It's perfect. Next, we picked up two of the girls on our team, Hlonphile and Phumlile. I gave them the purses, lotions, lip glosses and bath gels I got them. They started screaming because they were so happy. Becca and I couldn't stop laughing.
We went to the AIM office, and I got to meet a lot of my AIM family for the summer. They were so encouraging, and I am so excited to spend the summer working with them.
We ran some errands to SPAR (the grocery store) and some local shops. Oh, I got my first Swazi proposal my first day there. As we were walking into a store, a man stopped me and said "I need to talk to you. May I talk to you?" I told him I had to go with my friends. As I walked away he called after me "I want to talk to you!If you are willing, I would like to marry you, and if you are not willing, I would still like to marry you."
We picked up Zabiba, our other team member, and then headed back to the AIM house. We talked as a team and then they prayed over me, which was amazing. I hadn't really slept since Saturday night and it was Tuesday afternoon. Also, I have a cold. To say I was exhausted is a complete understatement. I went to bed at 2PM and slept and slept 16 hours!I felt so lazy. I woke up and was alone and locked in the house, which was amazing, because I had time to unpack my suitcase and my thoughts. My room is decorated and my suitcase organized.
I am now sitting in the Royal Swazi hotel with Becca, Kate and Marissa. We had a problem with my bank account. Bank of America did not think I was actually in Swaziland wanting money out of my account and my parents could not unlock it, since they are not on my account. This turned out to be a blessing, since it kept me from buying a cell phone. Kate, who will be leaving Swazi to move back to the US in a few days, just told me she is going to give me her cell phone. What a blessing!

I am having an amazing time in Swazi so far!

Swaziland

It is hard for me to believe that I am less than 3 weeks away from being back in Africa. A week into my stay in Zambia in 2006 I journaled that: "I am beginning to realize that a large part of my heart will always remain in Africa." I had no idea how true those words were when I wrote them. I have missed Africa so much since I left.

Swaziland will be my home for almost 3 months this summer. I will be flying out on May 18, having layovers in Amsterdam and Johannesburg, and then flying into Swaziland the morning of May 20. My friend Becca (http://beccachristian.myadventures.org/), with whom I taught in Zambia, has lived there for 3 years now. I will be living with her this summer. She is on staff with Adventures in Missions and works discipling teenage girls.

I will be working with 3-4 groups of 8-10 high school aged girls in each group and doing an abstinence-based HIV/AIDS prevention study called "Cherish." This study is so beautiful. I have been going through it for the last few months, and I have learned so much from it. I still can't believe how incredible God is for opening the door for me to do this. The study is aimed at learning how to see ourselves the way God sees us and to examine His view of beauty, identity, purity, and sexuality. It talks of how God has a plan for each of our lives regarding marriage, and this plan (whether it be singleness or marriage) will be an incredible God journey. This is a subject so close to my heart. Instilling this concept of marriage and relationships in teenage girls is something about which I am incredibly passionate. I am a strong believer in the concept of guarded hearts focusing on Jesus and being kept safe for a future spouse. I get so incredibly excited when I think of learning with these girls about how to "Cherish" purity and seek God's best for our lives!

I also hope to be working in an orphanage or children's care point while I am in Swaziland. Swaziland has the world's highest HIV/AIDS prevalence rate at around 40% and there are over 80,000 AIDS orphans in this tiny country. My times with the children in Zambia are some of the most precious experiences of my life, and I cannot wait until I get to be back with the beautiful children of Africa.

No More Mud Pies

I was having dinner with a friend the other night, and she asked me how my interest in and love for Africa began. I stopped for a minute and had to reply in honesty that I was not really sure. It wasn't a culture I was interested in when I was younger. I remember sitting in GA's ("Girls in Action" for those of you who did not grow up going to this Baptist version of Girl Scouts) as a very young child and looking at a cartoonish map of Africa with drawings of lions and straw huts and other stereotypical African images while my GA's leader talked of the missionaries we were supporting who lived there. The gist of her talk had been "Isn't that so cool, little girls?" I did not think it was cool. I thought it was terrifying. The fear of leaving the familiar was birthed in me as my 6-year-old self prayed something akin to "Dear Jesus, please don't ever do that to me."

That prayer, while not one I would have admitted to actually uttering, was one that constantly flowed through my heart over the following years.

In the Summer of 2005, when I was 20, I chaperoned at a camp called BigStuf in Panama City, Florida. One of the sessions had Louie Giglio speaking about surrender. He specifically mentioned the fear that if we fully surrender in our relationships with Christ, that God will do something crazy, like "send us to Africa." The speaker said it was more likely that we would be asked to remain exactly where we were and serve Him fully in those places. Then he began to speak of the AIDS pandemic and poverty, but also about how God is working in Africa in amazing, vivid ways. He asked the audience to consider sponsoring a child through Compassion International.

I remember feeling incredibly moved and remember him saying "The American way is to be incredibly moved and then do nothing." I prayed "Jesus, I don't want to do 'the American thing,' but I don't know what else to do. I already sponsor a child, and it isn't as if I can just go to Africa or something." I decided then to apply to intern for BigStuf the following summer, not only because I loved the camp, but mainly because the interns took a short trip with Compassion before the camp internship began.

Over the next 6 months, my heart began to change dramatically. February 2, 2006 was the day I had my interview with the camp. That morning in my history class before the interview, all I could do was stare at the map of Africa on the wall and try to make sense of my sudden, gnawing desire to go there. At the end of the interview they offered me the choice between pursuing the camp internship or a brand new, experimental internship called Journey that would consist of a week at the camp and the rest in Africa. They weren't sure of much more than the fact we'd be in Zambia. I knew immediately that Journey, not the camp internship, was really where God was leading.

My summer in Africa (well, winter over there) was incredible. It was filled with intense beauty, frustration, sadness, and joy. We partnered with Adventures and Missions and many South Africans and Zambians to do a program called Beat the Drum, where we went into high schools to discuss an abstinence based method of HIV/AIDS prevention. Our time there was very difficult, but also very amazing.

During my first week in Zambia, I was sitting in the middle of a group of young children, and I looked down to see a shy little girl sitting next to me. I smiled at her and reached my hand over to squeeze hers and then put my hand next to hers on the ground. She looked down at the juxtaposition of our hands and slowly pulled hers away as she hung her head in shame. Her hand was caked with numerous layers of pale, gray dirt. Out of her tiny, English vocabulary she pulled the word "Dirty." All I could do was grab her hand and hold it tightly while saying words I wasn't sure she understood like "No, no, no! You are beautiful!" As a smile slowly spread across her face, and I put my arm around her and pulled her to me, I silently prayed "If You want me to move here and spend my life pouring love and acceptance into these beautiful, little lives, I think I'd be ok with that."

Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased. - C.S. Lewis "The Weight of Glory"

My mud pie isn't drink or sex or ambition, it is my love of the comfortable and familiar. On the plane home I journaled that I was beginning to understand that "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." meant not that God gave me what I wanted, but rather that God has the amazing ability to change my heart to want what He wants for my life when I ask Him to exchange my heart for His. That is where my interest in and love for Africa began: in one tiny, rare moment of surrender in my life.