I saw lions yesterday. They are what pretty much every American that comes to Africa really wants to see, and I was no exception. However, my joy at seeing them was deeper than a tourist's satisfaction and bigger than the wonder of seeing the "King of Beasts" in the wild. Let me explain:

I am not sure I really let on how terrified I was to leave home and come alone to a country I had never even been to before. I'd have people tell me I was very brave, and I would think "You wouldn't say that if you only knew how not brave I feel..."

The day before I flew out, my family went to see the most recent Chronicles of Narnia movie, "Prince Caspian." While I agree with many people that the movie was not as good as it could have been (a Susan/Caspian romance? Really now?), I strangely identified with the character of Lucy and her encounters with Aslan. I can't even explain how I felt sitting in that theater with my family, knowing what I had to do the next day, and watching Lucy reply to Aslan requesting her to do something she didn't understand that seemed too big for her "I wish I was more brave."

I said that to God so many times, and Aslan's reply, "If you were any more brave, you'd be a lioness." constantly reminded me that bravery pertains to action, not feeling.

On Saturday night, the team living next door had their last movie night and let me join them, as usual. We watched the original "Chronicles of Narnia." It was such an interesting experiece for me watching that near the end of my time in Africa. I was reminded of how true much of the analogy of God as an untamed lion is. Following Him is not safe, but He is good.

I had to go to South Africa this week, so as not to have to pay a large sum of money to the Swazi government for overstaying my 30 days allowed upon entry into Swaziland. Julie, one of the AIM missionaries here, was so kind and allowed me to come along with her and her precious daughter Ellie, to Nelspruit on Tuesday and Wednesday. The team I am close to was spending their last few days in Africa in Nelspruit, and it worked out perfectly for me to tag along with them to Kruger National Park. I had always wanted to go to Kruger, and it was incredible to get to go with the team that had loved on me and adopted me into their team the last two months. Within the first few hours we saw tons of buffalo, rhinos, zebras, giraffes (my favorite!), crocodiles, monkeys, and many kinds of antelope, but... I really wanted to see a lion. One of the girls in my safari vehicle said she was praying we'd see one in plain sight, without the obstruction of trees and bushes. Our driver Lynne (Lynne= amazing. I could listen to her tell stories for hours of how relational elephants are and how trees protect themselves from giraffes overgrazing) heard over her walkie that 2 lions had been spotted, so we sped off from a sighting of about 30 hippos. We were so excited, but were met with bitter disappointment when lions were nowhere to be seen.

Our disappointment grew when a group from the team briefly saw the lions before they disappeared again. There are around 2,000 lions in Kruger, but Kruger is seriously massive. The park is bigger than all of Israel; several Swazilands could fit into it. Everyone I had talked to that had been to Kruger said they had not seen lions.

I began praying "Lord, I know this is probably a very selfish and stupid prayer, but I would really love it if You would allow me to see a lion."

A few minutes later, I saw 2. One of them even walked across the road in front of us.

This is not exactly a safe place. Swaziland is incredible, and there are certainly more dangerous places I could have been sent, but last week alone a missionary family here in Swazi was robbed while they slept in their home in a "safe" area of the country and the World Race team that stayed at the house and I became friends with was robbed at gunpoint in Joburg. Emotionally and spiritually, it has been very unsafe as well. My heart is heavy with goodbyes and endings and the general suffering I've seen here. Also, one of my closest friends' Mom died a few days ago, and my heart is wanting so badly to get home to her while dreading final goodbyes to the people here.

The Lord has been teaching me so much though. Today, I feel He is teaching me that despite all circumstances, joy is a choice. Devendra Banhart put it best, I think: "We've know, we've known, we've had a choice; we chose rejoice."

Today, despite my breaking heart and the fact that there is a lot I don't understand right now, I choose to rejoice and find my rest, my comfort, my purpose, and my all in Who He is.

Because, after all, He is not safe, but He is good.